Harvard happiness expert Waldinger: “To be happy you have to have two people you would call in the middle of the night”
Psychiatrist and Harvard professor Robert Waldinger, author of the largest study on happiness, states that to be happy it is necessary to have at least two attachment figures.
Robert Waldinger is an American psychiatrist, a Harvard professor and the fourth director of the largest study on human happiness ever conducted, which began in 1938, no less. Using data from people who were followed and studied for eight decades, it was shown that the social and face-to-face component (technology does not replace it) is fundamental to human happiness.
Because health and professional success have an influence, of course, but nothing is as important for a long, full and satisfying life as personal relationships. As Waldinger himself explains, we should all have at least two people we can call in the middle of the night if we are not feeling well or have a problem.
WHO YOU WOULD CALL IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT SAYS A LOT ABOUT YOUR LIFE, ACCORDING TO HARVARD PROFESSOR WALINGER.
When something stressful happens to us, our body goes on alert and becomes inflamed, “it's a normal reaction,” says Walinger, “but our body should return to equilibrium once the stress is gone, and that's usually achieved by sharing it. When I get home and talk about it with my wife, I calm down.
However, lonely and isolated people, according to this study, never come back to square one, they are always in a state of struggle, which influences their high level of stress hormones. Being a loner is not the same as being an introvert, which is a character issue. Introverts do not have a problem per se, they even “know how to stock up better and recharge themselves. Extroverts constantly need affirmation from other people.” But still, everyone, absolutely everyone needs at least a couple of attachment figures, Waldinger says.
Those responsible for the study argue that you need at least two secure relationships “someone you can call and who can be there when you need them. During the study we asked them to make a list of people they would call in the middle of the night if they were sick or scared. Almost everyone had their list, but there were some people who couldn't write anyone down, including some who were married. That's a drama.”
Shy people tend to have fewer people in their circle, but they do. What happens is that they get overwhelmed by having too many people. “The other people I'm talking about, the ones who are probably going to have health or mental health problems are the ones who don't have anyone, they don't seek them out or like them.” But it is essential to force ourselves to do so, because having strong and intimate ties with other people makes us happy but also makes us healthier, and lonely people are more prone to all kinds of diseases, from type 2 diabetes to arthritis...” assures Professor Walinger.
The teacher is clear that regardless of your character, you can always, absolutely always enrich your circle of friends. Walinger recommends signing up for any activity or teaching that you are passionate about, because that way it will be much easier to find points of connection with others.
ESTABLISH ROUTINES WITH FRIENDS, HARVARD HAPPINESS GURU SAYS
When we are young we believe that friends are there and will always be there, we take it for granted, but as the years go by we understand that friendships have to be taken care of. Waldinger assures that it is wonderful to establish routines for dealing with our closest friends, with your children or with your partner. “With relationships that are taken for granted, such as with a spouse or partner, it helps to have these fixed curfews so that the relationship doesn't deteriorate.
Photo: Robert Waldinger
We offer you our special supplements that can help you take care of your mental health. Click on this link
To enhance your emotional well-being and manage stress effectively, explore our Mood Boost Bundle and Stress Bundle for comprehensive solutions.
